in the coming weeks, I will be become a grandmother and my daughter will start a new phrase in her life as a Mother. No one can prepare for you that role and you can’t predict how you will react to being a mother. One thing I can be sure of, she will be a brilliant mother.
As for me, well I really don’t know. I feel I don’t have any real emotions any more, life is so tedious. Each day I get up, sometimes I work (from home) reading other people reviews. I read other people Facebook status updates. I read other people’s lives through their blogs. I watch other people’s lives on the TV. I eat boring food. I drink a few glasses of wine each night, (too much for my health). In evenings I make a dinner , we eat, Gordon sleeps for 30- 90 mins (more often about 45 mins). I watch TV. Gordon wakes up, goes to the PC and most evenings I go upstairs and embroider. (at the moment). Sometimes we walk the dog, more often Gordon walks the dog as I just find it too hot. We meet up for an hour and then go to bed. I read and Gordon reads. I sleep with the aid of drugs because I am afraid of not sleeping and hearing Gordon snoring beside me. I read the Daily Mail relentlessly. I try to read the Guardian but my concentration span is poor. I flit between internet pages searching for something but I really don’t know what, for hours.
Its not all tedious. We have started to go out with some of Gordon’s workmates (2 other guys and their wives) once a month or so So we have become a little clique which is nice and I enjoy our evenings until it turns around to work but that doesn’t happen often. One advantage of my low carb diet, is that I have all but given up on beer so I am the designated driver most times, so no arguments like when we were younger about who is driving.,( Wish I could give up the wine as well.) But to be honest though, if we never went anywhere, Gordon would be happy as he finds just about anything interesting (its me, who is always harping on about going out somewhere). He is naturally inquisitive, so loves reading, doing and finding something to do. We love going to the movies together if there is a decent movie on. Apart from that, we don’t really do much together.
So the problem is MOI! I have lost the passion I had for life, its gone. Even going to the grocery store is a chore. I think about painting but then I think what do I paint. I tried still life last year but they really didn’t do anything for me. It was an exercise, an absorbing exercise but no real feeling for it. I was never a landscape type painter and to be honest, its too hot here for most of the year to do landscape of any kind Central TX is kind of boring in regards of landscape, mostly flat and washout due to the constant sun.
Anyway that is enough of my moaning. By this time next month, little Baby English will be here and I plan to be down in Houston as much as I can (regardless of cost). Come September, the gods being good, they will be moving to New Mexico so skype will become my friend then.
So I am off to the grocery store now- the highlight of my day!